Best of my Xanga...

So this series may only be one post long... but remember xangas... they were the bomb right? Well I had one too... and this was probably the best thing I've ever written on it:

Sometimes I feel pretty dirty. Sometimes its because I've done something I feel particularly dirty for doing. Other times its just the accumulated filth of not doing business with God. I've thought about this a lot and I don't feel like I'm any less acceptable to God. I think its probably the other way around. That God becomes less acceptable to me. I think when I get into these moods I'm no longer okay with having nothing to offer God.
I talked to a girl in the SUB about a week ago who's biggest problem with Christianity was that people couldn't work off their shortcomings. That resonated with me because in a sense that's my biggest problem with Christianity too. I keep hoping that there's some way besides the humiliation, pain, and self-denial of the cross. There is nothing more. There is no more blessing and no more reward, than the body and blood of Christ [credit: Derek Webb]. There is nothing in the goodness and obedience of my hands for the obedience of my hands was made possible through Christ's blood. He is all in all.
Lately I've been feeling dirty (the accumulated filth kind). I struggle to come to God with nothing. It seems shameful, undeserved, disrespectful even. And in a way it is all of those things. But Jesus still smiles. The love of the Father still embraces the prodigal. The Spirit still comforts. The immutable nature of our faithful God beckons to us to surrender saying, "there is nothing more." You don't need to be whole to come to Jesus. My brother asked me a question concerning the passage in the Word where Jesus says that he came to save the sick. I expressed that I'd had similar quandries about the matter. In the context of the text it would seem perhaps that pharisees are not sick. But we know from elsewhere that they are. Hence the dilemma. Reguardless of dilemmas, in the context of my life this passage speaks wonderous love to my heart. Jesus came for such as I. If I boast of health, Jesus will not come to me. He will move on to those who admit weakness. And so if the blessings fall on those who are poor in spirit, then I will humbly join the ranks of such worthy individuals.

love.

will

Autumnal

Sun seems distant this time of year
as life is on the retreat
having given one last burst of radiant joy
to let all know it's glory
hoping
that it will not be forgotten by the dormancy
of a winter too long

Retreating behind armor of thick bark
sap recedes to meditate upon the effects of the fall
it has experienced again.
The world looks on and sees the barren branches.
The arms once clothed in blossoming beauty of life
now stripped and naked.

But deep underground
deeper than the season's chill
the roots draw up springs from the ground
and from the cold dreary rains of autumn
life is sustained and assured
that as it passes through a season of winter
it will only be for a season,
and so gathers new strength.