Best of my Xanga...

So this series may only be one post long... but remember xangas... they were the bomb right? Well I had one too... and this was probably the best thing I've ever written on it:

Sometimes I feel pretty dirty. Sometimes its because I've done something I feel particularly dirty for doing. Other times its just the accumulated filth of not doing business with God. I've thought about this a lot and I don't feel like I'm any less acceptable to God. I think its probably the other way around. That God becomes less acceptable to me. I think when I get into these moods I'm no longer okay with having nothing to offer God.
I talked to a girl in the SUB about a week ago who's biggest problem with Christianity was that people couldn't work off their shortcomings. That resonated with me because in a sense that's my biggest problem with Christianity too. I keep hoping that there's some way besides the humiliation, pain, and self-denial of the cross. There is nothing more. There is no more blessing and no more reward, than the body and blood of Christ [credit: Derek Webb]. There is nothing in the goodness and obedience of my hands for the obedience of my hands was made possible through Christ's blood. He is all in all.
Lately I've been feeling dirty (the accumulated filth kind). I struggle to come to God with nothing. It seems shameful, undeserved, disrespectful even. And in a way it is all of those things. But Jesus still smiles. The love of the Father still embraces the prodigal. The Spirit still comforts. The immutable nature of our faithful God beckons to us to surrender saying, "there is nothing more." You don't need to be whole to come to Jesus. My brother asked me a question concerning the passage in the Word where Jesus says that he came to save the sick. I expressed that I'd had similar quandries about the matter. In the context of the text it would seem perhaps that pharisees are not sick. But we know from elsewhere that they are. Hence the dilemma. Reguardless of dilemmas, in the context of my life this passage speaks wonderous love to my heart. Jesus came for such as I. If I boast of health, Jesus will not come to me. He will move on to those who admit weakness. And so if the blessings fall on those who are poor in spirit, then I will humbly join the ranks of such worthy individuals.

love.

will

Autumnal

Sun seems distant this time of year
as life is on the retreat
having given one last burst of radiant joy
to let all know it's glory
hoping
that it will not be forgotten by the dormancy
of a winter too long

Retreating behind armor of thick bark
sap recedes to meditate upon the effects of the fall
it has experienced again.
The world looks on and sees the barren branches.
The arms once clothed in blossoming beauty of life
now stripped and naked.

But deep underground
deeper than the season's chill
the roots draw up springs from the ground
and from the cold dreary rains of autumn
life is sustained and assured
that as it passes through a season of winter
it will only be for a season,
and so gathers new strength.

Can I See Another's Woe?

Can I see another's woe,
And not be in sorrow too?
Can I see another's grief,
And not seek for kind relief?

Can I see a falling tear,
And not feel my sorrow's share?
Can a father see his child
Weep, nor be with sorrow filled?

Can a mother sit and hear
An infant groan, an infant fear?
No, no!  never can it be!
Never, never can it be!

And can He who smiles on all
Hear the wren with sorrows small,
Hear the small bird's grief and care,
Hear the woes that infants bear --

And not sit beside the next,
Pouring pity in their breast,
And not sit the cradle near,
Weeping tear on infant's tear?

And not sit both night and day,
Wiping all our tears away?
Oh no! never can it be!
Never, never can it be!

He doth give his joy to all:
He becomes an infant small,
He becomes a man of woe,
He doth feel the sorrow too.

Think not thou canst sigh a sigh,
And thy Maker is not by:
Think not thou canst weep a tear,
And thy Maker is not year.

Oh He gives to us his joy,
That our grief He may destroy:
Till our grief is fled and gone
He doth sit by us and moan.

-William Blake

The Morning After

Time lost and wasted
spills over the dawn into a day
breaking with guilt and fear.
Can a day or work be blessed
while life endures such great weakness?

But hope also rises with the dawn
as to the cross the sinner's drawn.

Awake O sleeper!
For from the Father's faces do shine
the smiles of love forever thine.

Reconciliation...

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine where he confessed that he had strong feelings of animosity in his heart towards another brother who had done some harmful things to him. When he thought about his brother hatred arose for how he had hurt him and his family inadvertently through some foolish actions. While the brother had undergone church discipline and was no longer directly involved in my friend's community, my friend still harbored bitterness in his heart towards him. This situation was hard for me to swallow. It broke my heart to know of the sin in my brother's heart that was being justified by sins against him. And it got me thinking about forgiveness. I feel like over the past weeks, God has used this situation along with a book I've been reading and most recently a discussion in a small group in my church this evening to bring the idea of forgiveness and more specifically reconciliation to the forefront of my brain tonight. You dear friend, are the beneficiary of my meditations.

The most obvious truth about forgiveness is that we who have been for forgiven must forgive. It is not as easy as saying, "Yeah... I should probably not hold it against her any more." As someone once said, we need to stop shoulding all over ourselves. Forgiveness (and any mandate of Christ) is not motivated by any sort of legalistic shoulds or shouldn'ts.

I had a unique experience about a month and a half ago at a coffee shop. I was walking in to have a quiet time and passed a guy on a bench who asked for some change. I truthfully told him that I didn't have any. As I walked away into the coffee shop, I thought to myself, "I probably should have helped and maybe I should probably help him still by giving him my free pastry I'm about to receive for buying a cup of coffee." Feeling justified in the truth that guilt is a poor motivater for any action, no matter how just or merciful, I did nothing. As I read in John chapter 1 that day about how the eternal Word, through whom everything that we can sense, became a part of his creation, I was moved by the humility of Jesus. As I meditated on the fact that he is in me, and I am in him, I realized that my previous action didn't make any sense. I don't live according to a standard where I should do certain things to be better. Christ lives in me, and his character is such that he humbles himself. If he is one who humbles himself for the sake of others, then I must out of my very nature do everything in my power to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, and clothe the naked. It's not some sort of test I need to pass. I don't play that game any more. Jesus passed the test and took up residence in my heart. It is out of this new nature that the born again have no choice but to forgive.

This is why the Bible says that unless we forgive then we will not be forgiven. It's not that we have to pass the test to get the reward, but that those who know they have the reward cannot help but get the right answer on the test.

That being said often times to forgive is painfully hard and rubs against our pride in such a way that repulses us. Not just our pride either. Often times we have suffered grievously at the hands of people who screwed up either intentionally or unintentionally. I've been reading A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. In the book Sittser describes his journey through the loss of his mother, wife, and daughter after a single car accident caused by a drunk driver. Through a less than stellar prosecution the driver is let off the hook. Sittser describes how he wrestled with the fact that justice was not served. That the drunk driver did not in some way feel pain equal to that which he had caused. After describing the struggle in his heart and the difference between healthy grieving and unforgiveness Sittser remarks that victims must acknowledge that they cannot change the past, there is no going back, but there can be moving forward. He says that "though forgiveness seems to contradict what's right and fair, forgiving people decide that they would rather live in a merciful universe than a fair one, for their sake as much as anyone elses." This is not easy, but ultimately it leads to freedom. If we choose not to forgive, then we are bound to our bitterness which eats at our souls and makes the world we live more mean than merciful. Ultimately though I would argue, and I believe Sittser would agree that forgiveness is only possible if God forgives us first.

Often times when we resist forgiveness it is because we desire for the wrongdoer to come to us and ask for it. We believe we don't owe them anything, so why should we? As I mentioned before we don't act on shoulds, but rather out of our regenerated nature. So besides the fact that that's not a good question to ask, forgiveness is a good idea, because it offers freedom for us from hate and bitterness. Also if forgiveness flows out of our nature because it flows out of God's nature then the let us consider the nature of God's forgiveness. God did not wait for us to come to him, in fact I would argue that such an action on our part was impossible. The model that God has set up is that the responsibility to reconcile lies not with the one who has committed the most fault, but with the one who has the greatest ability. Thus we ought to consider the nature of God which reached out to us and forgave, and reconciled us to himself. If then, we are new creations, we must reach out to those who have sinned against us also, even before they come and apologize or seek for the relationship to be restored. If we do this, then we prove ourselves to be children of our Father.

love.
will

And death shall have no dominion...

And death shall have no dominion.

Dead men naked they shall be one

With the man in the wind and the west moon;

When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,

They shall have stars at elbow and foot;

Though they go mad they shall be sane,

Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;

Though lovers be lost love shall not;

And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.

Under the windings of the sea

They lying long shall not die windily;

Twisting on racks when sinews give way,

Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;

Faith in their hands shall snap in two,

And the unicorn evils run them through;

Split all ends up they shan't crack;

And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.

No more may gulls cry at their ears

Or waves break loud on the seashores;

Where blew a flower may a flower no more

Lift its head to the blows of the rain;

Though they be mad and dead as nails,

Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;

Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,

And death shall have no dominion.

-Dylan Thomas (1933)

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_death_shall_have_no_dominion"

Invictus

Anti-Meridian finally appeared in my mailbox... best lyric triumphantly sung by Reese Roper:

Hope Unstoppable,
sing the morning sun,
wake up, oh sleeper,
the Daylight has come.

mmmm.... good stuff.

Sunsets

When sorrow's tide ebs o'er the breach
and sun has set beyond your reach
do not follow sister where it goes
where deep seas and dark nights grow
go instead into the east
where intuition points you least
where night is here and dark with doubt
and paths are fraught with fears throughout.

To tread this way you must be brave
and none is promised to pass unscathed
all face weakness, loss, and grief.
Here doubts oft arise about relief
and though right now you have no peace
set your face unto the east.

Follow the stars set up on high
and when dark clouds conceal them from your eye
the One who loves will be your guide.
For He has never left your side.
For when sun set upon his day
and all who loved him went away
He chased no sun, he did not run
Oh Sister, we have such a one
who when the world did love him least
set his face unto the east.

So walk where he has gone before
Let your hope to flee no more
and fear not all that lies in store.
Just as the sun once did descend
night must also come to end.
Press on, dear sister do not now cease
For dawn will break upon the east!

The Cross

I am reminded today of God's faithfulness to provide for all his children. He is serious about providing for all of our needs. Especially for our deepest need, which he provided for in the cross of Jesus Christ. I do not know that I will ever know the depth of my need for the cross, but today I am keenly aware that I do indeed need it take away my guilt and sin. It is a humiliating thing to realize that this is love, not that I ever offered anything to my God, but that he bled, hung on two pieces of wood, and died in the sight of scoffing men whom he created with his thoughts. It is these men for whom he now has loving thoughts towards and, if they will come and humble themselves to accept his death, he will exalt them to be with himself where he is now raised.

"On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

Refrain

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
With its light cast upon this dark way
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
As it leads me to glory one day

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

Refrain

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share."

When you know not what else to do, then sing...

Who is a God like you?

I am utterly struck by the beauty of the gospel...  It is not a gospel of words, but of actions.  Not a gospel of understanding but one of intense mystery.  It is the gospel of a king and judge who unrelinquishingly shows compassion and favor to those who have never done a good thing.  It is a gospel of passion, of life, and of bloody death.  It is the gospel of how the eternal unchanging binds himself for the sake of love to die the death of the frail for the sake of their treason against himself.  It is totally incomprehensible and senseless and yet majestic, perfect, glorious.  It is precious and scandalous.  It costs us everything and nothing to believe.  We need but come, but we must come. 

"God has consigned all to disobedience that he may mercy on all.  O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!  For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?  Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?  For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To him be glory forever.  Amen."

I love this...

This is probably the funniest thing I've seen this week.

What I want my life to be about...

Found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

Anti-Meridian

Brave Saint Saturn's new album comes out today. Their last one, The Light of Things Hoped For is one of my favorite albums of all time. I really like what I hear of the new album, check it out at bravesaintsaturn.com

Long long way...

It happened slowly
Feet falling hard on the pavement
Eyes reaching into the distance
Towards empty sunsets

-Danny Stephens of Smalltown Poets

Such is the way of things...

Dear Jesus...

To the self proclaimed "Son of God,"

While we really are deeply appreciative of your offer to come and help us, we find that we have other more pressing needs at the moment. We would also like to communicate our deep dissatisfaction in your failure to provide for our needs. Sir, all we ask for is someone who will take care of us. We were mislead when you seemed to be able to feed five thousand of us, that you might be a worthy leader. We have since been convinced that your rule would be, to put it lightly, most offensive to some of our more reasonable sensibilities. We therefore respectfully decline your invitation to follow you. We are open to negotiations however if you would like to continue to discuss the possibility of working with us.

Best wishes,
Will Rearick
on behalf of
The People of the World


Earlier this summer I was reading the Bible in the book of John. I was reading that part where Jesus feeds 5000 people. They were all like trying to track him down and make him king, so he says (knowing it's not his time) that they only like him because he feeds them, but unless they eat his flesh and drink his blood then they can have no fellowship with him. The result? They get pissed off and leave. The lesson I learned is that we as people have a list of things we would like in a king. In ancient Judea being able to feed a lot of people was pretty high on the list. It's not that Jesus doesn't want to feed us. In fact the opposite is true. He desires us to be fed with the things that will satisfy our deepest hungers and thirsts. The question is then will we believe that he knows what those hungers and thirsts are, and that he knows the timeline on which he needs to work in order to meet them. The other day I was talking with God about some of the waiting he's been making me do in life. I still don't understand the reasons his timing cannot match mine in meeting my hungers and thirsts. I was deeply convicted yesterday in church as we sang the hymn "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus." On the chorus over and over again I couldn't fight back the tears as the congregation sang

Jesus, Jesus how I trust him.
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust him more.

I realized that time and again, especially most recently, that even the feeblest of my trust has been deeply rewarded, and yet my trust still seems so feeble. I desperately need grace to trust him more.

Trust in essence I suppose is like faith, which always works itself out in obedience. When we obey we move from trusting in our own efforts and reasoning to trusting in the one who's authority we are under. When Jesus invites us into his yoke, he invites us into his work, into obedience. But in the act of yolking ourselves to him, there is a trust that indeed his yolk is easy and the burden is light.

Today I choose to believe. I choose to trust that the yolk is easy and to place myself in a position where I have no choice but to let myself be guided by Christ. I choose to believe that God is the provider and has provided for all my needs in Christ Jesus even though I still feel my need. Today I choose to believe that though my flesh and my heart may fail, God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

"This grace gives me fear, and this grace draws me near
And all that it asks it provides"

Here I am...

I think that there's something wildly appealing about taking my thoughts and throwing them out there into cyberspace and letting them drift about until some hapless reader stumbles upon them then, who knows what happens next...